Articles, Blog

Illegally Downloading Music

Illegally Downloading Music

If you’ve ever used LimeWire to illegally download a very low quality MP3 of Akon’s ‘Smack That’ that’s actually Afroman’s ‘Because I Got High’ but also the file is mislabeled as Sandstorm by Stan, with Eminem in parenthesis and oh! No wait, nevermind, it’s actually just twelve viruses in a trench coat disguised as a song, I have one question to ask you! YOU WOULDN’T DOWNLOAD A FUCKING CAR, WOULD YOU??!? The year is and I am five years old. Aw! Look at his giant head! As I play Space Cadet Pinball on my father’s very heavy-set Windows 98 off-white desktop computer, while farting and-and cumming, over in Massachusetts, Sean Fanning and Shaun Parker, portrayed by Justin Timberlake obviously, launch a little application called Napster. And Napster says: “Hi music industry, I’m Napster and um, I’m gonna set you on fire”. For the very first time there is an easy-to-use tool available to the masses that lets you download all of the music, in all of the lands, and for [bad British accent]
Oh my god, that’s crazy. And this is pretty monumental because music had existed since the- the first time Adam was like, “everybody clap your hands” and Eve was like, “stop it, what is happening? S- cut it out!” And now, thanks to the a.k.a. the MP3 if you didn’t go to college, you didn’t have to buy a physical record or cassette or CD just to listen to one song. CD? More like do you see these songs on my computer? Ya know what I’m sayin’? Now Napster is super important not just because it lets you download “Kryptonite” by 3 Doors Down really slowly and for free, but because it introduced peer-to-peer or P2P file-sharing to the masses. What peer-to-peer means is that instead of one person uploading a file to a central server and then another person downloading that file from a central server, peer-to-peer takes out the middleman and just lets people share files and dirty little secrets directly with each other, dirty little secret obviously being a reference to the All-American Rejects’ smash hit uhh, “Move Along” *awkward laugh* moving-moving along! p2p can be used to transfer all sorts of files, not just MP3s and eventually it will! like… a l-like a lot Laa.. Like a lot of porn. But Napster only let you do MP3s, and Napster gets crazy popular, eventually reaching like, 80 million registered users at its peak, which if you know simple math, you know that that’s more than four! But the AKA RIAA, isn’t having any of that shit. On December 7th, 1999, only months after the launch of Napster, RIAA filed suit on Napster’s buttcheeks on behalf of the 5 major record labels: UMG, SME, WMG, EMI, BMG, KFC, CKY. Between it’s launch in 1999 and its shutdown in 2001, basically everyone and their dog tried to sue Napster. A&M Records, Metallica, Dr. Dre, who is- uh he famously said; But this was a ton of publicity for the app and it only led to more and more people sprinting towards Napster to take advantage of the service before it would inevitably be taken down. The service finally shut down on July 11th, 2001, but dog, it was too late – the effects were irreversible. The entire internet had done a sick-ass Superman seat grab and completely transformed almost overnight. But with no Napster where did people turn? Allow me to introduce you to my friend Kazaa. Oh, have you met Limewire? This is my very lightweight, tiny friend who’s eventually gonna kind of be a huge deal… And his name is BitTorrent! While Kazaa and LimeWire were the apps that were the most popular immediately after Napster’s death in 2001, both of them were a little bit… goofy – um uh-, a lil’, a lil’ Lil’, lil’ A little drunk. Maybe, maybe they were hitting grandma’s bottle cabinet. I don’t know. LimeWire was released in May of 2000 by a dude named Mark Gorton, who has degrees from Harvard, Yale and Stanford and apparently all of them meant nothing when he made LimeWire. And Kazaa was released in 2001 and was developed by some Scandinavian dudes whose names I’m not even gonna attempt to pronounce, but they also would later go on to help develop Skype. What is this, the fucking History Channel? I don’t look like an ice road trucker. But also more extra importantly, both of these were absolute garbage for your computer. I want to talk specifically about Kazaa first. Kazaa here was closed source, which means to this day, people don’t know like exactly how everything worked. For example, the algorithm used to double-check that two files are actually the same thing. Like if two dudes both upload “Say My Name” by Destiny’s Child and it’s trying to like double check that they’re both the same thing so we can organize them, Um, it did not do a good job. Which means that, You could download what you thought was “It’s Been Awhile” by Staind, but surprise, fucker, that’s Weird Al. If you’re downloading some software or video games that have some “.exe”s in them, Um, please dot “Ex”cuse me from my computer before I invite 17 really cool viruses into my home. And hey, you remember our pal RIAA? They were doing it too, yeah! They were fighting the war on illegally downloading music by spreading fake ass corrupt files on Kazaa. Isn’t the Internet so crazy!? Another small, but also like kind of huge bad thing about the app. Um, it was riddled with adware. And malware, and spyw- Basically every “ware” you could think of it-it had it. Warioware? Ace Hardware? But regardless, Kazaa is popping off hard, from like 2001 to 2004 ish So hard that in 2003 are our favorite pal RIAA over here says “you know what?” “Fuck it, if we can’t sue Kazaa, We’re just gonna start suing a bunch of Kazaa users directly for a shit ton of money, like college students. Why? FUCK EM. That’s why. You don’t need a fucking business degree! Society is a lie! Anarchy! dude, gamers are the government!” As you could imagine, traffic starts to die down on Kazaa because users are getting afraid of going to jail and while users scattered to other p2p services like LimeWire, in 2006 Kazaa’s parent company, Sharman is sued by MGM in this huge lawsuit and ends up settling for the little tiny baby amount of a hundred million dollars, which is a lotta – I’ll – I mean I’ll rephrase it for my younger viewers so they could better understand it. It’s like – it’s like if you took four of your mom’s credit cards, yeah, yeah, like, like “So – so many V-bucks!” You get it, i- yeah. I’m proud of you. Okay, so anyways what Kazaa and LimeWire had in common is… all of the bad stuff. Mislabeled files. Viruses Malware. A really cool feature where every song is actually just Bill Clinton saying “I did not have sexual relations with that woman! Miss Lewinsky.” Limewire would even eventually release a version that you could pay for called LimeWire Pro that promised better search results and faster downloads, but because life is hilarious and pirates always find a way around stuff, you could just download LimeWire Pro with LimeWire, which is the funniest thing in the world! It wasn’t perfect. It was probably gonna require your parents computer to go to Planned Parenthood and get tested for every STD imaginable. But goddamn it bro. I gotta download that new Avril Lavigne though! Even though it was a beautiful disaster, LimeWire had a good long run from 2000 till it’s ordered shut down in 2010. when the US District Court claimed that LimeWire and it’s Ivy League creator, Mark Gorton were both found guilty of copyright infringement and unfair competition. Hey, you remember your super low-key chill friend who’s so hilarious and chill! Especially when he suggested that LimeWire owes him 72 TRILLION DOLLARS in damages to the music industry which is more money than the Earth had at that time. Which luckily the judge thought was ridiculous, and they settled for a hundred five million which is like practically nothing. And overtime, music, movies, and TV shows gradually figured things out and evolved with piracy. Unlimited music for like, 10 bucks a month on Spotify is a pretty beautiful evolution of the Internet’s capabilities, and it’s way better than running the risk of downloading the Soulja Boy Travis Barker remix on LimeWire and running the risk of infecting your dad’s computer with a funny disease and also potentially getting sued by RIAA for downloading a Travis Barker production. So what the fuck is the point of all of this? Well, okay. So yeah, people are always gonna want shit for free and that’s never gonna change, but also a lot of people are willing to pay money and support content that they care about If they feel like there’s trust and respect shown on both sides, but more importantly, you can get LimeWire Pro with LimeWire! That’s it for today. I really do hope you’re doing well, and please stay tuned for a message from our sponsor. thank you for viewing the captions Do your clothes look bad? Do your clothes make you feel like when you look at em, you go, “Ah, F***!” Well here at Jakey, Jakey and Jakey, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, WE CAN HELP. We have clothes that can protect you from situations of hazard, such as going to the mall and the guy at the Dairy Queen saying “Hey… we don’t serve bozos like you here, wearing shirts like that!” Or when you go to Ace Hardware and you’re trying to get a lug nut and the guy says “Mmm, nice try, bozo shirt!” Jakey, Jakey and Jakey ATTORNEYS AT LAW can protect you from all of this! Shirts like the “NAKEY & JAKEY SPECIAL VIDEOS UNIT” to let people know when you wear that; “Hey man, I’ve seen a guy die before! I’ve seen a man get boiled, like a hard boiled egg!” *starts losing it* or the “JAKEY, JAKEY AND JAKEY ATTORNEYS AT LAW” logo t-shirt featuring our many mantras that we say as a sort of a cheat sheet. In situations where you don’t know what’s legally going on such as: And we have other shirts now, too and we had them before as well. But they’re still there. If you feel like we can give you the protection that you require today, head on over to: And have Jakey, Jakey and Jakey ATTORNEYS AT LAW handle… *exhales* your case… please buy my merch. I’m gonna go to sleep now.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

100 thoughts on “Illegally Downloading Music

  1. Damn, I remember being able to find obscure songs by obscure bands on limewire. Well after it went offline I upped my game and started torreting whole labels in one torret.

  2. Alright, after watching the PS startup noise video and this I’m sold. Dunno where or how you showed up on my tubevision, but you have my vote

  3. omg, that was where I got kryptonite from, omg it's all coming back to me, it was such a gamble, its a three-way, one part was the actually download, the other was a virus, and the last part was either porn or a trailer for porn, the unholy trinity

  4. Ok someone please: who knows what song/game is this from?! 8:30 – 8:37 It sounds so familiar but I can't place it! (Also Jake you earned a new sub!!)

  5. Whenever anybody talks about these sites, I never see people mentioning Weird Al Yankovic’s awesome single “Don’t Download this Song” where he lampoons these big record producers who were demonizing the people using Napster and Limewire and the like

  6. This video was so helpful, like you have no idea how useful this was for me in music business after like changing majors.

  7. I tried three times to wipe off the end of your mic cord thinking it was a bit of dust on my screen. Liked and favourited for japes, well played sir

  8. I miss the mid 90's – early 00's internet. It was such a weird place. No one really knew what to do with it, how to regulate it, or anything. It was this giant experiment with a "Enter At Your Own Risk" warning at the front door. Now the internet is sterile, safe and regulated; the odds of you stumbling on strange or obtuse things (like some dude's odd geocities site) are very minimal.

  9. Napster – Gets shut down
    Limewire – Gets shut down
    DJs – Create SoulSeek and restricts to only DJs with extensive libraries so sharing is only if you got something to offer
    Napster and Limewire – "Am I a joke to you?"

  10. downloads 50 Cent – Many men

    Me in 2005: wow time to add this now

    plays on iPod nano
    Song: my fElLow mERicans, I wAs ONce to sAy i did NoT hAv sXual RelatiOnS with tHAt wOMan, iDid gO tO ifreecLub

  11. I vividly remember accessing the Napster chat while 9/11 was taking place… I mean, really, in real time, and it was working just fine, apart from thousands of "WW3 has begun" comments popping up everywhere and other crap… very funny times indeed (the Napster btw, not the terrorist attack)… in the end, what killed napster imho was the fact that you could only share/get MP3 files, and it had a ton of fake titles (renamed songs), people corrupting data files/viruses on purpose as to sabotage the entire thing, and of course, the fact that you couldnt resume your downloads… and as most people were still on dial-up connections, that was a big deal… I also remember ASSHOLES hitting cancel on my downloads as I was 99% through it, and then sending me bully messages in private on how awesome they were for cutting out that song just as it was about to finish downloading after nearly an hour of expensive phone costs…

  12. Did you ad-lib the "Jakey, Jakey & Jakey" shirt slogans and then decide to make the shirt after the fact? The way you say them makes it sound like you made them up on the spot

  13. “one-winged Angel” kicking in while he talks about RIAA wanting to burn the world down is a mood. 🤣🤣

  14. Anyone else remover absorber online tracks tracks that would just be bill clinton saying he didn’t have sexual relations ahaha

  15. i fucking remember when my bud send me the link via icq to download napster
    MY FIRST DOWNLOAD = ODB : GOT YA MONEY shiiiiaaaaat . I frikking shitted my self soooooooo hard

  16. Help I just bought my first Vinyl, how do I play it? I can't seem to find the on button and the screen doesn't do anything when I tap it.

  17. i'm sorry i forgot to subscribe to you im here now tho so you dont have to worry

    your biggest fan,

    wouldn't you like to know, boomer

  18. One thing I will never not find amusing is how the ‘you wouldn’t steal a car’ anti-piracy ad used pirated music and got sued for it 😛

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *