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Берегись автомобиля

Берегись автомобиля

The spectator likes detective stories. It’s pleasant to watch a film
knowing beforehand how it will end. And it’s also flattering to think
that you are smarter than the author. The Muscovites affirm
that this extraordinary story happened in Moscow. Inhabitants of Odessa insist
that it took place in their city. Leningrad and Rostov-on-the-Don
don’t quite agree with that. Seven cities contest it just like Seven cities call themselves
Homer’s homeland. We have to admit that it is unknown
where this story happened And whether it ever happened at all. So, as you might have noticed,
it was dark night. The stranger did his best
to pass unnoticed And he managed to do so. It was so dark, quiet and deserted here That involuntarily one would want
to commit a crime. – Contact post number 2-06/B
– Yes, sir! – Block up all the roads.
– Yes, sir! Bring me the photos at once. – The prints of the tread.
– Yes, sir! Tanya! You find out about
the fingerprints. So this is a third car stolen
in this district. It is performed by the hands of the same
person, experienced and skilled! Those hands are wearing cotton gloves
made in factory number 8. Then it can’t be Fed’ka the Golden tooth.
And what about the oil which the criminal uses to lubricate
the bolts of the garage? It turned out to be refined. Have you noticed that in the
courtyard where the crime took place and along the opposite street
there are a lot of “garageless” cars
left overnight? Yes. And it’s much easier to steal a car
left in the street than from inside a garage. You got it absolutely right. If we apply Stanislavsky’s study
of a super mission to this case, an interesting thought arises: the criminal follows the line
of most resistance. But why? When we reveal his super mission,
we will catch the criminal. It’s brilliant! Inspector, I forgot to mention
one little thing, – … It may help.
– I’m listening, thieved. There was a swear-word scratched
on my bumper by a metal nail … Wait a second ….which? Hello, Lyuba. I am back. Comrades! Get in the vehicle quicker.
Don’t stop in the back aisle. Yuriy Ivanovoch, we get on the trolleybus
through the other door. I’m coming. – Hello, Yakov Mikhailovich.
– Hello, Detochkin. – How is your uncle from Dushanbe doing?
– My uncle? He’s bad. Last time it was an aunty from Moldovia…. My cousin! – No, but you said…
– She passed away. Oh yes, we are all mortal, Detochkin,
we are all mortal… And if people didn’t die, We wouldn’t be able to sell life
insurance. You can’t deny that I’m being
sympathetic towards you, Detochkin. Every time one of your relatives
becomes ill or dies, I offer you an unpaid leave. You are an exceptionally
sensitive manager. That’s right, Detochkin, but you’ve
got too many relatives…. And I’ve got too few staff. You have to understand that your absences
ruin our plan. I will catch up! Try to understand that I can’t put your family interests above
social ones. -I will…will catch up with it!
-All right, then go catch up. Yesterday I was pulled over by a miliceman.
The letter of attorney is invalid. You have to stop at a notary’s office
and certify it. – Sign here, please.
– Dima, signature! To tell you the truth, I am not very sure
why I should insure my property. What if there is a fire! It’s a shame if such property
will burn without compensation. Maybe we should insure our car? Oh! You bought a car? A car can be insured against death or accidents caused by collision
or natural disasters. – How about against hijacking?
– No, not against hijacking. I am not so rich to pay for natural disasters. – Where do you keep it?
– Come over here. Beige…not a bright colour…
Haven’t you got a garage? Not yet. I am soliciting,
but it’s a difficult task. I was promised a spot… but
no garage for the moment. Despite that, I’ve already found a lock…
a Japanese one. Impossible to find a matching key. Yes, hard to match…And a pick lock
won’t crack it. An oscillator is necessary here,
but cutting with an oscillator is such a mess… You’re my brilliant boy! – Do you need a lift?
– We take opposite directions. As you wish. Anyone without a car
dreams of buying one. And anyone who’s got a car
dreams of selling it. but doesn’t do it just because
once it’s sold, you are left without a car. A human being, more than any other
living creature, likes to create himself
as many problems as possible. That’s the only reason to wish
to have a car of your own. The idea of leaving 5 and a half thousand
just like that in the street can poison even the happiest life. – Mama!
– He’s arrived! I don’t understand what kind of work trips
a travel agent might have? What are you waiting for, the dinner is ready,
go wash your hands. What’s in your bag
that makes it so heavy? There are things necessary for work. You look terrible – you became skinny
and drawn in the face… Korchnoy won the chess tournament…
and I was supporting Talle. He was half a point behind…
don’t laugh at your mother. Those work trips seem suspicious
not only to me… And who else? You are eating the onion soup by the recipe
of the great writer Dumas, the father. Those work trips of yours seem suspicious
to Lyuba. Ans she is right. She doesn’t want to marry a blunderer.
– Did she tell you that? No, not now. He has just arrived. That evening Maxim Podberezovikov
was heading in an unknown direction. From the other end of the city
Yuriy Detochkin was heading in an even more unknown direction.
They were approaching their fate. They were getting closer. Any inspector always
has a hobby, to which he devotes his free time,
left from catching the criminals. Sherlock Holmes, for example,
played the violin, Maxim Podberezovikov was involved
in the amateur theatricals. …Popular amateur art is developing
with an unimaginable speed. Modern tendencies finally reached us,
amateur initiative groups They make us bigger,
creating popular theatres just like, let’s say,a national team
is formed from local clubs.
00:16:50,440 –>00:16:52,715
Today is a special day for us We are opening today a new
popular theatre. I hope it will be a strong team,
solidary and united. Comrade Detochkin, stop bustling around.
Take your seat. Our hospitable House of Culture
offers the best conditions for people of different trades
and professions to greet Melpomene, who was, as you all know, a muse… Our popular theatre in particular
is formed with two, how to put it? friendly team. Well…the militia and
err … drivers. – I recognized you!
– It wasn’t me! That was you saying: “Who are the judges?” I didn’t say anything bad
about the judges. Yes, you did! You were the one who
played Chatskiy, weren’t you? Yes, me …I completely forgot! And now we are both going to be
in the same play. – I am very glad!
– Me too! Some people think that popular theatres
will soon replace…! Finally! professional theatres!
And that’s how it should be! An actor who doesn’t get paid performs
with a greater enthusiasm. Because, besides the theatre,
the actor has to work somewhere… It’s not good for somebody
to hang around the theatre all day! Just imagine how much better Ermolova
could play in the evening, if in the morning … she worked
… on the grinding machine. Bearing the title of a popular theatre
is a great commitment. Whom only haven’t we played in our
amateur groups! Isn’t it high time for us, my friends we endeavored to stage our William,
I mean Shakespeare. We will endeavor! Here is a transistor radio
“Alpinist”. Be gentle, please. Excuse me, who is Dima here?
I am from Oleg Nikolaevich. – What Oleg Nikolaevich?
– A friend of Leonid Ossipovich. I need an imported tape-recorder,
American or German. Here we’ve got a very good one,
Soviet. No, a Soviet one will not suit me. – An imported one will require a bit of a search
– I understand. How much? – What’s the matter, mister?
– I’m looking. You are not in a zoo, are you?
Go look at the TV. – Fifty.
– Fifty? – Try to pull yourself together.
– I have to find out and bring it. Italy? You have to put it aside… – …leave your phone number…
– All right. – A pack of “Belomore”, please.
– Run out of “Belomore”. Ok… then what do you have? Give me
a pack of “Drug”. Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! Be so kind! I am begging you!
I’m so late. Is this your car? – No.
– But you are the driver? No, no. – What are you doing here then?
– I want to drive the car away and you are disturbing. Well, then, please, drive it away with me,
I am late for the train. All right! Get in. Only now you are
an accomplice in crime. Here we go! I warned you! Stop him! There he is! We got you!
Stop him, stop the criminal! Hold him, don’t let him go!
You, burglar. I am not a burglar! I am late for the train.
You can see, this is my ticket. He took precautions!
How preventive is it? At last! Quicker! The thief is caught.
He was trying to steal my car. – Who is the owner?
– I am, I mean, we are. I am not a criminal. I am late for the train,
and this one took my ticket away. – Your ID, please?
– Here it is. And here is the ticket. – And yours.
– What? – We are not going to sort it out here.
Is there a witness? – Yes, me. And what happened? I am not the thief. The thief disappeared.
Unfortunately, I didn’t remember his face. I am late for the train!
Actually, I already missed it. – Yours?
– Good Lord! How could you think! Yes, I am the witness. The witness. I am.
I look much better half face. So, let me start from the very beginning. “Belomor” cigarettes were not delivered today.
It wasn’t…nothing we can do about it. Make it brief. Young man, you shouldn’t be in a rush
in your job. “Belomore” is a little clue in the
investigation! So this very man, who got into your car, at first
asked for “Belomore”, but then bought the “Drug” cigarettes, 30 kopecks a pack,
with a dog on the label. That’s when I thought:
“Why is he nervous? Why?” Stop! Stop, stop! What is that
you are always thinking about? Every player must know his part
by heart. and stop running around the stage
without purpose. You have to act with your mind! And stop your insults, otherwise I will
dismiss you from the field…eh…rehearsal! – I am not insulting you, I am….
– In-ter-mi-ssion! Evgeniy Alexandrovich, this bit:
“Leave it, for God’s sake!” Ah… leave it! Intermission! – Who is he to treat me as if I were
a silly boy? – Don’t get upset! Don’t… – What are you smoking?
– The “Grug” cigarettes. Yes… the “Drug” cigarettes…
a dog on the label … 30 kopecks… Actually I smoke “Belomore”,
but they didn’t have it. They didn’t have it, you’re right,
that’s why he bought the “Drug” cigarettes. – Who him?
– The criminal. What criminal? A modern one, I would even say,
a criminal of a new type. What did the criminals use to forget
at the site of the crime? – What? Caps, cigarette stubs, and now this…
Shakespeare! Don’t be so afraid,
there are no blood prints! – Does that mean that you are an inspector?
– Yes, I work on car hijacking cases. There are no fingerprints. The criminal
operates in gloves. – You must be bored?
– On the opposite… very interesting! You see, not even a library stamp,
not even.. I was saying: there is neither library stamp,
nor the owner’s name. You know, some people sign
their books. I know, but I don’t. There is a gang operating in the city.
They steal citizens’ cars. Over the year four cars were stolen
from the same district. Three! Here we go, even you heard about that.
Yes, three. The fourth crime failed.
But we will soon put an end to it. – But how?
– We’ve arrested one of the gang members. Looks like a decent man – an engineer.
His wife is a doctor. Two kids. – And what does he look like?
– A little guy. – Rather chubby?
– Yes… – So… you’ve arrested him?
– It would be a too severe measure. He was going to escape to a sea resort,
but I made him sign a commitment to stay in town. And what if it’s not an accomplice? A respectable
citizen, and you deprived him of his holiday? My instinct is telling me that
he is not guilty. But the final investigation is a matter
of a few days. I already know the features
of the leader of the gang. Tall…he wears a rain-coat,
a hat and a brief case. His main mark is that he is stooping… And how are you going to catch the leader? Comrades! Let’s start the second time. Give us, please, a trap
for a large animal. – Are you aiming a fox or a wolf?
– A bear. – He’s just kidding. Tell us … how does it work? Put a lure here. – Have you got any lure?
– Oh yes, we do. The beast smells the bait…sneaks toward it,
sneaking, sneaking…and it’s trapped! – Beautiful!
– Write out an order! – I think, everything is going fine.
– Wonderful! Serve the ice-cream… Simochka! You are not in the wild!
Guys, don’t sit aside! Join us! Semitsvetov! Dima! – You’ve got a blond!
– A beige! Guys, I don’t get behind the wheel,
if I had been drinking. Give us a ride, Dima! Give us a ride,
Dima… A ride, Di-ma! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Nowadays the militia has invented such a
test-tube, in which you …. yuck! Breathe, and it shows at once, whether
the person has been drinking or not. If you have, they suspend your licence. – I want a ride anyway!
– Simochka, you are not at the beach! – Stop leaning on it! It’s polished!
– If you mind! – Listen, I am really pissed!
– Yes! I have to rearrange myself into a
horizontal position. – Who is there?
– Lyuba, it’s me! What is it? What happened? You see, Lyuba, there are traps
hidden everywhere! – Oh my God! I am very unfortunate,
I had a very bad luck. The criminal attempted twice
to steal the same car. It’s not a coincidence. I reckon, he wanted
to drive away your particular car. That’s reasonable. I guessed that much myself. And you shouldn’t have installed
a trap for a live person. You didn’t manage to secure us from the bandit,
we had to consider self-defense. Why did he get so hooked on your
particular car? Do you suspect any of your
acquaintances? Our friends are rather decent
people. Maybe, you can think of anyone who
envies you? Envies what? You are asking weird
questions. Send a request to the hospitals
to report if anyone showed up with a typical foot injury? Let’s set up surveillance after
your car! No, thank you…
Tomorrow we are installing a garage. What do you mean you are not coming? Be careful,
the director will give you a penalty! Oh, your leg hurts! Well, then stay in bed…
of course, i will tell him … get better! – Whose leg?
– This leg! It’s a fine leg! – Well, give us a ring.
– When? When your car is stolen. Dima, they are seizing Toptunov’s datcha! – Who is seizing it?
– Are you a complete idiot? Daddy, they are confiscating
Toptunov’s datcha. And they are right, it’s high time!
We must fight the swindlers! Why do you think he is a swindler?
This person just knows how to live well. You’d better explain to me how could
a deputy director of a knitting factory have the money
to build a two-storey villa? – It’s his business!
– No, it’s ours! We will combat without mercy the people
living on the funds they hadn’t earned! – Be quiet, Daddy!
– Ah, you fear something! I can now kick your arse with my knee,
and you will dart out of my land! Papa, I am sick of your soldier-like
humour! Why with a knee? What for? Who are you pretending to be, sonny?
You know who you are? This is my dacha! Let everybody know, this is my dacha! Registered on your name!
But it’s being built with my money! Try to prove it first!
Stop it at once! Your own life does not
belong to you! Your car is in your wife’s name, dacha – in mine,
you haven’t got a thing! You are a ragamuffin! But why! Why do I have to stand it?
Goodness, what did I do wrong? Why? I am a man with a university degree
who has to hide, adjust myself, wiggle out! Why can’t I just lead an
open, free life? Oh, when will be an end to it? Never!
What are you trying to say here? Do you know what I can do to you, just like that, for this? – I know…I do…
– Afraid! Be kind to him, Daddy! This guy must always remember who
I am! And he is an ordinary swindler! It’s still worth to give you a kick! – Who is there?
– Lyuba! It’s me! – What happened? Another trap?
– No, this time I was spared. Are you leaving? On a work trip? Right now? At night? It’s not my fault…I have to…
because, try to understand, a work trip is a rather
complicated thing. Lyuba! You shouldn’t be
so upset. I am coming back in a few days. I will send
you a letter from there. You hear me? Lyuba! Me too, I am very sad.
You see? Hello! You know, our right indicator
gets stuck sometimes. And when changing gears,
there is such a sound… I will listen. Another thing: two days ago
it smelt like petrol in the car. I will smell. And where is the car? – Officer…
– Good day! As I can see, you are alone in the car.
Help me, please, to start this nuisance. – Start the motorbike?
– Yes, I can’t manage it on my own. No. The battery has gone flat. I asked my commander a million times
to put me on a new motorbike. Yeah… It’s not much fun with
an old battery. – Shall we? One-two-lift?
– Let’s try. Common, let’s send it to a run!
Run, run. – Ok … stop! I can see you are exhausted.
– A bit. – Ok, let me give you a lift this time.
– What’s the point? Listen, mate. Let’s hook it to
your Volga. Have you got a rope? Who knows, what there is in there… I don’t remember. I’ll have a look. There is a tow-rope! Enough! That’s fine! Thanks, mate, for the rescue. – People must help each other.
– O! That’s correct. I had an accident –
you helped me out. If anything happens to you,
I will help. Together we are pursuing a common cause:
each of us in our own way. Tell me, mate, is there a telegraph
anywhere around? Not far away, jump in, I’ll show the way. I request 5-day unpaid leave
relation my favorite nephew’s… grave condition …
sudden grave condition. Ok, Ok … I see! I am sending…
Done! – Having a break?
– Yep… – Something happened?
– No, no, nothing. – Who is the owner?
– I am. Show me the papers. Excuse me. A chase! No detective story
exists without it. One is running away, the other is
pursuing him …it’s a law of the genre. A crime movie without a chase is
like a life without love. Detochkin loved kids. He couldn’t
have done otherwise. Detochkin realised it was the end. He suddenly wanted to close his eyes
but was afraid to run over the scout. But the officer was also fond of kids
and was as courteous as Detochkin. – I got ya, bro!
– That’s it, you got me! Nobody can escape the poli….
What the hell! Hey, hold on! – Wait…wait, don’t leave!
– What’s up, bro? What? Here again…this battery,
as you see. Remember I warned you! It’s not much
good with an old battery. That’s exactly what I always feared.
It fails when there is an urgent mission. Here we go! If only I had been
given a new motorbike. I feel sorry for you. – You had bad luck.
– You are lucky instead! Luck had to be on the side of
one of us. So what shall we do, mate? Why were you running away from me? A habit. You are following,
I’m escaping. That’s my habit too. You are escaping,
I am following. Get out and help. We could hook me to your Volga,
like the last time. No, thank you! I’ve already experienced
how you pay back for good deeds. Sorry! Don’t be in the way!
Look, police! Lock the garage! Start working! Lift it! Lower it! I’ve always known that it’s a
smart criminal. Maybe, he is even… smarter
that me Damn it, all the money is one-ruble
notes! Don’t disturb me, or I’ll have to
start all over again. Five thousand five hundred! Finished! Why is all you money in one-ruble notes?
It looks suspicious. It’s not good! And who are you? A public prosecutor? I’m not asking where the car is from
and why you haven’t got papers for it. I can tell you honestly.
I stole this car. I can tell you honestly too. I am
a priest. These rubles are offerings to Him!
Common! A tiny bit left! And do you believe in God? Everybody is a believer: some believe
that God exists, others – that he doesn’t One and the other are unprovable!
Will you double-check? I will! Here! As promised…
A Grundig tape-recorder. It’s new, isn’t it? – Brand new. I checked it myself
– Ok, write it out. I remember the price. – Eighty!
– Why? Last time you said fifty? – Personal circumstances have changed.
– You know what? this is just a rip-off! I don’t insist. The gadget will find a buyer
in a second. A very elegant appliance… – …4 decks… stereo sound.
– Write it out! Mister, the appliance is sold, don’t
touch it with your hands, it’s sold. So why anyway did he want to steal
your very car? – What’s wrong with you?
– I’ve been revealed… I am toast… An inspector came
to talk to me. You’ll go to jail! Shouldn’t have cheated! Semyon Vassilievich!
You are in my home! Prison is your home! Inka! Inka! What shall we do? What?
Inka, what do we do? Make provisions! Dima, don’t worry! We must bribe
the inspector! Are you crazy!? Bribe!
You are insane! – We should give a lot! Then he will accept!
– Silence! Attention! I’ll not allow that! What a shame! Papa, you should proclaim your moralistic
ideas at the market place. I sell strawberries which I grew
with my own hands. And I will destroy my own daughter,
let alone a son-in-law!, for bribing! Don’t worry! They’ll re-educate you in prison. You will return a different man
10 years later! Leave the bird alone! Only marry an orphan! Don’t have any doubts, I’ve got all
that money,right here… a brief case full. Do you really want to transfer – …this amount to an orphanage?
– Yes. We you raised in that children’s home?
Are these your personal savings? Well, how to put it,… actually…
I took part in it too. Hello! I would like to speak to
Yuriy Ivanovich Detochkin. – I am Yura’s Mom.
– Nice to meet you. I come from the theatrical group. I am very pleased that Yura plays
in the theatre. – In my opinion, he is very capable.
– He’s just got a talent. – He didn’t show up at the rehearsal…
– Gentleman, he is on a work trip. I can’t stand his work trips. He takes off
in the middle of the night and disappears. Lyuba is right. Something smells fishy.
Lyuba is Yura’s fiancee. His manners are not very modern.
He’s been making court for a long time. They got acquainted when he came
to insure her. Say, what kind of work trips can
an insurance agent have? – What are you?
– Inspector. Then go ahead and find out! When I was young, an inspector
was wooing me. But I married a Red Army officer. We used to sing: “Our steam train is
taking us to a communist future!” – When did he leave and for how long?
– Three days ago, at night. And the most amazing thing is that he
came in a Volga to say goodbye to Lyuba. – Ah! He must have taken a taxi!
– No, he was driving himself. – Does Yuriy Ivanovich drive?
– Yura? He worked 10 years as a driver. Then he had an accident. It caused
a concussion of the brain. Doctors warned him
from driving, And he got a job of an insurance agent. What’s wrong with you? To which city did you send
your employee Detochkin for a work trip? I didn’t send him anywhere. Detochkin has too many different
sick relatives, in numerous cities of the Soviet Union. I’ve received a telegram from him
recently. Here it is. Another nephew of his has fallen ill.
A beloved one. He took an unpaid leave. Maxim was furious. Memories
were burning his heart. How skillfully Detochkin managed to conceal
his interest in the search of the gang! Hypocrite! How he excelled in stealing
the car with a crane! Mean cheater, robber! He betrayed the most precious – their
friendship! No mercy for such a person. Mom? It’s me. I’ve just arrived…
I feel well… is everything fine at home? Did anybody come? You played nice tricks in your
popular theatre! An inspector came to see you. – Defend yourself, sir!
– I am at your service… I am honoured to attack you… – Where have you been hiding?
– What the hell, I was on a work trip! How is your nephew’s health? – What nephew?
– The beloved one! What about the wolf trap? The leg in pain?
And the “Friend” cigarettes? Stop this wheeze! In Shakespeare’s times
there weren’t any “Friend” cigarettes! And then, why did you switch to
prose? – Podberyozovikov!
– Yes? What are you thinking?! Stop it! Stop swinging
the sword! That’s a blow!
No panic! – Where is he?
– He regained consciousness! – Safe and sound!
– Intermission! – How many cars have you sold?
– Four. Let’s say, four. It’s very much
money, a real fortune. How can you be so low: your mother is
a nice person, singing about a steam train. – I’m sorry, maybe you are a psycho?
– No, I even have got a doctor’s certificate. Great actor! I’ve always stated that a real swindler
is usually a great actor! You robbed only those whom you considered
swindlers. I guessed that straight away! Do you think the court will shorten your
sentence for that? Where are you hiding your capital? – Right here.
– Let’s see! All right! Hello! Why didn’t you tell me
everything from the start? Can I ask you and your friend
to move to a separate room. Raechka! Lyudochka! They will now bring fresh beer, it’s just been
delivered, and they’ll serve dried fish … – And the fish has just been caught!
– Your friend has quite a sense of humour! Is there any news about the car? There will be soon. – Let’s leave this place.
– Let’s stay a little bit longer, if possible. I doubt that I will be fed
like that in prison. – What is it?
– Clean underwear just in case. – And this?
– Certificates, receipts, papers… – What papers? Where is the money?
– This is the money. What? Have you been transferring
money to children’s homes? Aha. – Ok, and how much did you keep?
– I didn’t keep anything. Only travel fare and trip expenses. Yes, dear audience, Detochkin
did not keep money for himself. Even though he is a robber, he is
an honest generous man. They have laid out the accounting
books on the table. It’s an inspection… serve our
“house beer” to them. Aha. I didn’t sell the first car. I left it
opposite a police station in Kursk. I stuck a detailed explanatory letter
to the windscreen. Then I went to the railway station
and returned to Moscow. Though… an injustice happened
with the second car. I drove it to a police station as well, And left a note too that its owner
is a cheater! But it was returned to the owner…
That’s when I decided to sell! I love you! Take it! Your arrest order!
And now give it back! Take it! – I am going to tear it now!
– Maxim! Maxim! Don’t you dare! – Yura!
– Don’t you dare! You’ll be told off! Maxim! Guys! We are friends! Guys! Fellow! It’s all right! Fellow!
It’s all right! Fellow! Take it as a present!
I am giving it to you! Come in! Good-bye!
Good-bye! Mate! Mate! If I fall ill, I will not go
to doctors. I will go to my friends,
don’t consider me delirious… Listen, mate! Don’t put me to prison
before the premiere, I beg you! I am not going to imprison you at all.
Live free! Such a part! It happens once in
a lifetime, understand? Perform at the premiere and all
the following days. – …the following are unnecessary.
– Very necessary! – You are a pal!
– I am going to Lyuba’s! Don’t get run over by a car! Why did you do it? Why asked you for it?
Why made you do it? Look at yourself.
You are … an idiot! You are reasoning like
a 3-year-old child. Why are you sitting here? Get up! What should we do? My God!
Did you think about me? No? No. You’ve always thought only about yourself.
They will put you to jail, Yura. – And they will be right.
– They will be wrong. Zip up. I will be waiting for you, Yura.
5 years, 8 years, 10 years. Thank you… 10… 10, it means
I will be 46 then. Well, of course, that’s…
– My goodness! – Whom did I get involved with!
– So whom did you get involved with? Well? No, you just look at yourself,
what you look like… What do I look like? Oh my god, you spoiled my whole life,
Yurochka! Yura! – Good morning! It’s me!
– Hi! Tell me, have you heard already
that another car was stolen today? Did you look in your window today? Hello? Hello! Why are you silent?
You are looking in the window, aren’t you? What do you say? Why did you do it?
When did you start driving away cars of respectable people?
Where are your principles? Oh, no! This is Stelkin’s car,
and he is a bribe-taker! What Stelkin are you talking about!
This is a car of a famous scientist! Just a minute! I am going to double-check
in the database. He’s even got a database! Database!
Petty bureaucrat! This is Stelkin’s car and
and he is a bribe-taker. It’s not possible…how could I get it wrong! You are going to drive the car back to its
owner, at once. And I recommend you… To come to my office with your
personal luggage. What about the play? There will be no play! Come in! Here is a report about my work. The order … for my arrest. Good evening! – Good luck at the premiere!
– To you too! I was given such a funny wig! What do you need a wig for?
You spent your whole life in disguise. Why are you talking about my life
in a past tense? The trial is tomorrow. You risk
a 5-year imprisonment. I have extenuating circumstances.
I am an honest man. Which circumstances? That you stole cars
from one swindler and sold them to another? There were a few mistakes in my work,
of course. But who doesn’t make them? You, for instance, couldn’t manage
to catch me for quite a while. It’s difficult to catch a man who
leads a double life! I always suffered and felt very
oppressed by it. Errr.. Tie my ribbon. No good deed can rely on
lying and cheating. Look at him! He solely administered
justice and carried out punishment! To tell you honestly, all that is
nonsense and a violation of the law. Suspect, where are you going? So you also think, – …that I’m guilty?
– Yes! Comrades, the stadium is full of
spectators. Please, proceed to the stage. Yes, and don’t forget to say:“To be or
not to be?” You are still not ready? Here, Hamlet, take my napkin, rub thy brows!
01:21:58,600 –>01:22:01,353
The Queen carouses to thy fortune, Hamlet.
01:22:03,560 –>01:22:06,996
Come for the third, Laertes! You but dally.
pray You Pass with your best violence;
01:22:07,240 –>01:22:11,916
– I am afeard You make a wanton of me.
– Say you so? Come on. Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet.
01:22:39,680 –>01:22:45,152
Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee.
I am dead, Horatio.
01:22:46,760 –>01:22:52,760
– Wretched queen, adieu!
– Yura, I’m here!
01:24:02,040 –>01:24:02,840
Stand up! The court!
Let’s continue the sitting of the court. Detochkin broke the law. And the law,
as you know, must be taken seriously. In his whole career the judge has never
seen such a paradoxical case. According to the law, Detochkin
could be sentenced to 5 years of prison. Detochkin is not just a robber.
He is worse! He is a bandit! He must be judged for gansterism and
breaking in. This person has endangered the most
sacred thing we have – our constitution! It states: “Every man has a right
to private property. It is secured be the law”. Every man
has the right to have a car, a dacha, books … money! Comerades,
money hasn’t been abolished yet. We should use each one’s abilities,
and give them cash for their labour. A legal action has been taken
against the witness Semitsvetov. Papa! – That’s all right, you’ll
find another man, an honest one! If Dima Semitsvetov’s future became
rather obvious, Yuriy Detochkin’s destiny was still
very misty. Finally the court called the most
important witness – Maxim Podberezovikov. Your Honesties. At first I worked on this case
as an inspector. But when it became disclosed that
the suspect is my friend, I resigned to continue the investigation. And now I am speaking only
as a witness. I understand, dear judges, you have
a difficult task before you: Detochkin broke the law, but he did it
for noble intentions. He sold the cars, but he gave
the money to children. He is definitely guilty, but
he is … not guilty. Have pity for him, dear judges:
he is a good person. And a wonderful worker! Don’t speak up, when you don’t know. Free Yuriy Detochkin! Yura! Quiet! I require silence, otherwise
you’ll all leave the room at once! Accused, you can now make your
final speech. Your Honesties, I may not have acted
in accordance with the law, but with an pure heart.
I couldn’t … stand that any more. Because there is a lot of stealing,
cheating… I only wanted to help. Please, let me go, comrades! I won’t do it again…
You have my word! As you already know, spectators
are fond of detective stories. It’s pleasing to watch a film,
knowing beforehand how it will end. This extraordinary story, which
no one knows where happened, and whether it ever happened at all,
is coming to its end. Hello, Lyuba. I am back.

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100 thoughts on “Берегись автомобиля

  1. Ай-яай .Ютуб ,зидесь курят.Гидэ придупрЭжлялка ? Карапузы смотрют…ваймэ

  2. Это шедевры искуства.людпй с ткакой физианомией сейчас нет.у этих людей жанр комедии было на лице и поэтому интерес к прошлым фильмам всерда остается . Светлая пам,ть всем ушедшим актерам и и другим шедеврам эпохи ссср и дай вам бог здоровья и приятной жизни люди родившиеся в ссср у нас у всех другая культура советская.

  3. 57:57
    – Что делать, что делать
    – Сухари сушить гы гы гы

  4. Деточкин же сменил номера, а когда ГАИшник Его остановил – номера прежние, а потом снова заменённые…

  5. Даа фильм максимум классный обожаю СССР будь прокляты те кто развадили его, 1000000 раз!

  6. дааа…со старым аккумулятором,это не жизнь)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  7. 1:06:41 Меня всегда удивлял этот разводной ключ. Зачем он угонщику? Что он им конкретно делал? Или это просто шутка режиссера?
    И кстати, раз уж ключ у него был, почему он им не разжал капкан, а пилил цепь ножовкой? Умеют же насмешить эти режиссеры))

  8. ,,Во времена Шекспира не было сигарет ,,Друг", не было, и потом, почему вы перешли на прозу? Перестаньте махать саблей!"

  9. Хорошее время только потому, что дороги пустые. Красота, пробок нет…….!!!!!

  10. Да умели снимать фильмы раньше. Люблю советские фильмы.

  11. Спасибо всем актёрам ! Нужен Деточкин 21 века ! Фильм со знаком качества СССР!

  12. "Я не настолько богат, чтобы оплачивать стихийные бедствия." :)))- надо запомнить))

  13. Классная музыка, сценарий, игра актёров. Учитесь российские рижиссеры. Почему то, в праздники крутят по ТВ не ваши дутые фильмы, а Гайдая, Рязанова. 🦀

  14. Мне 11 лет терпеть не могу бетменевь !люблю советские фильмы

  15. Обожаю этот фильм и другие фильмы Рязанова! Олег Ефремов и Иннокентий Смоктуновский потрясающие актеры как и другие!👏🏻Всегда пересматриваю когда грустно! Жалко,что таких фильмов, режиссёров и актёров мало!


  17. Этот фильм просто великолепный!!! Сегодняшние "фильмы" и в подмётки не годятся. Я каждый раз, когда смотрю, не перестаю им любоваться

  18. Дуэт Папанова и Миронова столь же гениален,сколь гениальны: дуэт Жиглов(Высоцкий),Шарапов (Конкин) и трио Трус( Вицин),Балбес(Никулин)и Бывалый(Моргунов).Сюжет фильма очень душевный.

  19. Здесь было так темно, тихо и пустынно, что невольно хотелось совершить преступление.

  20. Как жаль, что большинства из этих актеров уже нет в живых ((((((

  21. Кто-нибудь знает, что за мелодия играет на вечеринке у Семицветовых (29:25)?

    Да, и кто мужик в шляпе, появившийся в боковом зеркале угнанной Деточкиным "Волги" на 52:41?

  22. 20:25 В Московии хорошо жилось. Можно было достать импортные вещи.

  23. Не понимаю за что диз лайк… Наверно они с марса…!!!

  24. фильм 1966 год, а по факту ни хрена в стране ничего не поменялось. только таких людей честных поубавилось в разы.

  25. Я не настолько богат чтоб еще и оплачивать стихийные бедствия…

  26. Надо было Деточкину не воровать тачки, а красиво подставлять жиропузов и вороваек и вгонять в блудняк. Знал же что Семицветов барыжит дефицитом – сделал бы подставу на крупную сделку и подогнал бы ОБЭП или прокуратуру, этого птенца бы запечатали на 4 годка., а Деточкину мусора подарили бы часы или грамоту всучили. Но уже приятно. Так же и жирного директора кафе-ресторана, можно было бы затолкать на нары. Ну а если даже у них были бы подвязы с главным прокурором или мусором, то закрыть их на даче облить бензином и сжечь.

  27. Фильм грустный, на самом деле. Но на героя Папанова и его выступления ржу до слез.

  28. Посмотрите, как смоктуновский лакает пиво в знаменитой пивнушке Яме на бывшей пушкинской угол столешникова. А потом скандалит с посетителями, растопырив пальцы.
    А еще народный артист ссср !!

  29. настояший вол тетошкин молоток он снал у кого нато воовать

  30. 42 26 У него то белая тряпка в руках, то чёрная, а потом опять белая

  31. у следака в кабинете портрет Станиславского )) 👍 " весь мир театр.."

  32. -Кого мы только не играли в этих театрах…Лучше не вспоминать)))

  33. Единственный честный человек в этом фильме- следователь. А Деточкин, хоть и хотел делать добро, но не учёл, что нельзя совершать хорошие поступки, совершая перед этим плохие..
    Фильм неординарный, но интересный. После него странные ощущения..

  34. Эта нога, это у кого надо нога …Ты, кажется, доигрался в своем любительском театре, к тебе приходила милиция …а не замахнуться ли нам на Уильяма нашего Шекспира? …а какая мама у тебя хорошая! про паровоз поет! Волчек Миронову: Ну, возьмите себя в руки!

  35. мне почему- то особенно нравятся рязановские черно- белые фильмы Берегись Автомобиля Дайте Жалобную Книгу и Зигзаг Удачи

  36. Эта в троллейбусе не та шмара,что сейчас говном СССР поливает?

  37. В чём дело гражданин?смотрю. В зоопарке что ли, вон телевизор смотрите

  38. Смотрим эти фильмы и раны душевные залечиваем , подышим той жизнью , мсгнитофоны , Волги , духи Красная Москва , тройлебусы и пиво с водкой + воблой . Как хорошо !

  39. Смотрю раз в 10 реально!! И кайфую от Миронова, Папанова, и других!!! Нет сейчас таких талантов!! Эти ФРАЗЫ КТО СВИДЕТЕЛЬ??? Я свидетель а что случилось???, или он конечно виноват – но он не виноват, или поставь ПТИЧКУ…….

  40. Все беды от болтливого языка! Надо же матери самой почти наручники сыну надеть

  41. Поставил вечером просто так, не зная что включить и ни разу не пожалел, такие фильмы не могу смотреть с прокрутками. Как же могли снимать, знаю фильм так хорошо что ни чего нового нет , а интересно смотреть еще и вся семья собралась а ведь тоже наизусть знают… попробуйте посмотреть какой-нибудь современный русский фильм раз в пятый или шестой, все таки мы что-то упустили в жизни или нас просто обули как лохов.

  42. 21:37 и все англоязычные подумали что в СССР торговали наркотой))) ( смотри субтитры)

  43. Фильм которую я сейчас с удовольствием посмотрел в кинотеатре

  44. Какие же были люди! Какое снимали кино! Светлое, чистое, доброе! Какие замечательные были времена все же…

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